How many seishi doesit take to screw ina litebulb?
by Parvati
Summary: Sorry about the spacing in the title; it was too long normally. ANYWAY! Funny fic about a lightbulb...COMPLETE! Please read! R&R! ^_^
1. Part 1: *Applause*

Disclaimer: Dude…none of you ACTUALLY think I own FY cast, do you 

Disclaimer: Dude…none of you ACTUALLY think I own the FY cast, do you? In all honesty, I don't even own a single copy of any of the volumes in the series. So I don't own them thankyouverymuch. Please have SOME compassion; my first FY fic. Co-written by myself, Tekio, and Saiku. (you don't know them; you're not supposed to). ^_^

Warnings: Uh…are there any? ^_^;;; We'll just fill this space with…um…NO DA! ^_^;;;;; Well, actually…Chiriko is…damaged…mentally in this fic. **hiding** DON'T HURT US! PLEASE!!! We're innocent…maybe.

Authors' Notes: ;.; Dangit, why am I listening to Mizu Kagami? ;.; **gets a tissue** Anyway…I really don't have a whole lot to say. My first ever FY fic; please don't flame. **puppy dog eyes** Tekio thinks it's funny; so does Saiku; so do I…Lynnaya **our only OUTSIDE reader** thought it was funny. I hope ya'll enjoy it, but I'm only putting up part of it. You want the rest? You have the responsibility as a reader to tell us whether you like it or not. If enough people like it, we'll post the rest. Sound simple? ^_^ It is! I talk too much; on with the fic.

"Alright…what's in this room Tamahome?" Chiriko asked, pointed to a closed door.

"Let's find out!" He replied cheerfully. As the door swung open, the troop started into the yawning black abyss. They entered.

"Uh…Home? Where's the light? Or do I get to use my friend on this room?"

"NO!" Tamahome yelled. "No…Tasuki, that's okay. There's a lightbulb…"

"Well, how do they work?" Hotohori asked. "I'd like to see this 'lightbulb' in action. Sounds amazing."

"Oh! I've got it! Miaka told me about these. They only work if you clap your hands like this." Tamahome clapped. Nothing happened.

"Looks like I might need the fa-" Tasuki started.

"TAMAHOME! C'MERE!" Miaka yelled in that **cough** melodic voice of hers.

"But…I'm…"

"C'MON TAMAHOME!" Miaka yelled in a…erm…seductive voice. Tamahome gulped.

"Coming!" He smiled to himself. "Uh…you guys work on the clapping. Louder, softer, in different spots. I…I've gotta go. I'll be back…" He went to leave.

"Hey Tamahome! I hope you're using silk sheets. Trust me, cotton gives you such a terrible rash-"

WHAM!

"Ow…" Tasuki mumbled as Tamahome ran down the hall. "Mitskake? A little…**groan** assistance?"

"Uh." He grunted, then healed Tasuki.

"Thanks. Well…let's get t' clapin'!"

"Look, I foiund this pen in mint condition!"

"Chiriko…what does that have to do with our current problem?"

"Nothing, it's just a nice pen."

"Back to our main problem…"

"The pen's out of ink!" Chiriko said sadly.

"Chiriko, just set it down and help us clap." Nuriko encouraged.

"Alright." They continued clappping with no success. "Mitskake…you need to clap. C'mon! Help us…please?"

"Mitskake spread his hands apart, then brought them together for one big clap.

The Suzaku Seven stood in quiet as it echoed through the room.

"MIAKA!!!!!!!!!" Came a wail from the next room. The eyes of the Suzaku Seishi became as big as plates.

"That's not what I think it was…because I read a book on it, and that was NOT it…was it?" Chiriko looked at the rest of the Suzaku Seven besides Tamahome and Chichiri. (Chichiri was fishing…you can..uh…GUESS what Tamahome was doing…**clears throat**)

Chiriko stood waiting for an answer, but none came. Tasuki stpped next to Chiriko and put a hand on his shoulder. "Chiriko, it's time for you to become a man and understand some of these things…"

Chiriko shrank down to his knees and screamed, "BAD IMAGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'll let you be alone." Tasuki walked over to Nuriko.

"Will he be alright?" Nuriko asked.

"He'll be fine. Just give him some time…"

"Let's work on the light." Mitskake boomed.

"I'll bet the bulb is broken. We need to put in a new one." Hotohori suggested.

"I can get it out!" Tasuki grinned. "REKKAAAA…SHIE'N!!!!"

"Woah…" They all stared as the lightbulb caught on fire and melted to the floor.

"See? All gone." Fire boy looked proud.

"Wait!" Mitskake pointed as the lightbulbs' melted form rose back up to the ceiling and formed a bulb again.

"Way to go Tasuki, now it's stronger than ever!"

"Well, I don't see YOU burstin' with ideas, NURIKO!" Tasuki replied ruefully.

"Actually, I do." Nuriko smirked, pushed Tasuki into a wall, and punched the lightbulb. It shattered and fell to the groiund. "Whadaya think of that?"

"BAD IMAGES!!!!" Chiriko shouted. "How could they _do_ that?"  


"You don't really want an answer for that, do you?" Tasuki moaned from the corner.

"BAD IMAGES!!!!!!"

"Look, Chiriko, if it's sooo unbelievable, then everyone could look away an' I could just burn t' wall down fer ya."

"AAAAAAARRGGGG!!!"

"Well, let's get back t' that bulb!" Tasuki turned around to face the lightbulb just in time to see its pieces go back together. "Nice Nuriko…very nice." He said sarcastically.

"Like you did better fang boy!" Nuriko replied, pounding one fist into the other hand.

"Chiriko…could you think it to work?" Tasuki ignored Nuriko.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"I'll take that as a no." Nuriko cut him off.

"Guys…I hate to say this, but we need to call Soi."

"…"

"Okay Tasuki, you do it!"

"Wha?!"

"You heard me Tasuki!" Nuriko responded.

"Well..what 'bout Hotohori?" Tasuki said, pointing at the Emperor.

"I couldn't…calling her would ruin my reputation." They all looked at Mitskake.

"Tasuki, I believe that you are the best choice."

"Wha…but…MITSKAKE!" Tasuki whined.

"Just do it Tasuki!" Nuriko said.

"No! And you won't make me!"

Gomen if it's too….unbelievable. I know, it's all REALLY unrealistic, but it was fun to write; and it's a funny idea! Review, and I MIGHT post the rest…^_~


	2. Part 2: The touching finish!

Disclaimer: Dude…none of you ACTUALLY think I own the FY cast, do you? In all honesty, I don't even own a single copy of any of the volumes in the series. So I don't own them thankyouverymuch. Please have SOME compassion; my first FY fic. Co-written by myself, Tekio, and Saiku. (you don't know them; you're not supposed to). ^_^

Warnings: Uh…are there any? ^_^;;; We'll just fill this space with…um…NO DA! ^_^;;;;; Well, actually…Chiriko is…damaged…mentally in this fic. **hiding** DON'T HURT US! PLEASE!!! We're innocent…maybe. Oh, and there are some….uh….SUGGESTIVE parts in this section…carefulness no da!

A/N: COMPLETE! Sorry it took so long to post the rest…we've been writing more interesting stuff. ENJOY!

How Many Seishi does it take to screw in a lightbulb? PART TWO!

Riiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnggggggg…

"I can't believe this…" Tasuki grumbled as Nuriko sat next to him, threatening to kiss him.

"Just shut up and talk already!" Nuriko told him.

Riiiiiiinnnnnggggggggg….

Riiiiii- "Hello?" Soi picked up the phone. The sound of running water could be heard in the background.

"Uh…Soi? This is Tasuki…we have a proble-" Tasuki stopped when he heard a voice in the background.

"Oh Tomo, cut it out you silly thing!" There was the sound of someone clearing their throat. "Soi, who is it?" Came Nakago's voice.

"Uh…was that Nakago?" Tasuki's voice cracked.

"Soi? Who is it?"

"Uh…nobody important." She replied. "Look, what do you want?"

"We're having…electricity problems…" Tasuki mumbled. Soi laughed.

"And you think **I'm** going to help you."

"Soi…come back over here. The shower's not the same without you." Nakago said in a girlish voice. "Oh stop it Tomo! I'm only your dog when I say so!" Tasuki's eyes went wide.

"Later loser." Soi hung up on Tasuki. He put the phone down.

"So…what did she say?" Chiriko asked.

"What will we do now?"

"TAMAHOME!!!!!!!!!"

"NOOO!! WHEN WILL IT STOP?!?!?!?!" Chiriko screamed as he crouched back into his ball in the corner. "BAD IMAGES!!!!!"

Mitskake spread his hands wide and clapped. The bulb exploded because of the sound waves.

"Way to go Mitskake!" Nuriko cheered.

"Hmm." He grunted in reply.

"Quick Tasuki, what can we use to keep the bulb from coming back together?" Nuriko asked.

"Hmm…" Tasuki looked around. "Tama! C'mere lil kitty!" Tasuki grabbed him by the tail and stuck him into the socket where the bulb had been. "Viola!"

"RRRREEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!" Tama screeched.

"Shh, TAMA!" Nuriko scolded.

"What the…" Tasuki stared as the lightbulb formed itself again, trapping a squished Tama inside.

"Well…that's interesting."

"Oh Miaka…." Came a muffled sound from next door.

"Tama, could you please yell again?" Chiriko asked in a shaky voice.

"RRRREEEEEOOOWWWWWW!!!!" Tama replied. The lightbulb burst and Tama tumbled to the floor, hissed, and ran.

"That was counterproductive." Hotohori mumbled. "I'll try to pry it out with my sword." He jammed it into the side of the socket and bent it.

"Uh…that's really not helping." Nuriko pointed out after Hotohori had been trying for several minutes.

"You are right, Nuriko." Hotohori grabbed the hilt of the sword and pulled with all his might. "Nuriko, can you pull this out?"

"Of course your Highness." Nuriko tried. "It's…not…coming...out…" He groaned.

"Looks like you need my help." Tasuki took his fan and-

"NO TASUKI! DON'T MELT MY SWORD!" Hotohori panicked.

"Course not!" Tasuki laughed. "I'm going to pry it out!"

"Oh…alright…take a shot at it." Nuriko stood back.

"REKKA SHIE…just kiddin!" He laughed, then stuck it next to the sword. "C'mon…you…stupid…sword!"

"Daa? Why are you guys sitting around in the dark na no da?" Chichiri walked in,carrying his fishing pole.

"We can't get the light to work." Nuriko explained.

"Oh! That's easy no da!" Chichiri flicked the light switch on the wall next to him.

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Tasuki yelled.

"Let go of the fan na no da!" Chichiri instructed.

"OW…" A blackened Tasuki moaned. "This ain't my day…"

"When is it ever your day?" Nuriko asked.

"Shadup." Tasuki slurred.

"What's wrong with Chiriko no da?"

"Uh…he's…traumatized right now." Nuriko said apologetically, gesturing towards Chiriko's rocking figure in the corner of the room.

"Do tell me though Chichiri: How do these lightbulbs stay together under such pressure?"

"Easily no da. I cast a spell to keep that lightbulb working forever. Otherwise they just break."

"CHICHIRI!!!" Everyone (except Chiriko) yelled.

"Daa?" Chichiri sweatdropped.

"BAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD IIIMMMMAAAA-"

THE END!

^_^

WAI! Fini! Alright, now be responsible (pwease?) and R&R. We really appreciate reviews!


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